Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Lessons Learned from Jon & Kate

It was all over the news this morning that Jon & Kate, the parents of twins and sextuplets, and subject of the reality series "Jon & Kate Plus 8", are divorcing. Not really a big surprise there, although I feel terrible for the kids. Just an observation from this saga, and from my own life and the lives of those around me:

Criticizing, nagging, berating and undermining your spouse is one of the quickest, easiest and most effective ways to erode away any love that that person may feel for you.

I've seen this phenomenon with people around me throughout my life, and the common theme was how one treated the other. Sometimes the aggressor was the man, sometimes it was the woman, but the outcome was the same.

How can you feel loving towards someone who yells at you all the time ? How can you feel affection towards someone that puts you down, berates you, undermines you in front of your kids, and treats you like a second-class citizen ? In all cases that I have seen, the person who is the recipient of this treatment withdraws, to avoid more criticism and anger. And the end result is the same: The love, affection and intimacy dies a slow and painful death.

And while I do not condone cheating in any way, shape or form, I do not blame Jon for withdrawing from the person who was supposed to love him, but treated him like someone would kick a dog. I wish these two had wised up and gone to marital counseling before it came to this, but now, I think it's too late.

I feel really, really sad for those children. They are the innocent victims in all of this.


Blogger Foxxy One said...

Andrea, I couldn't agree more. I have no pity for either of them. I do, however, feel horrible for those children.

It's one thing to be a child of divorce - it's another thing to have it immortalized on film. At any given point, those kids can google their parents and see how horrible their mother was to their father. Not good at all

June 25, 2009 at 5:33:00 AM PDT  

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