Daniel Has Boobs

Seriously.

Where Was The Video Camera

Huntington Beach, with Danny and the kids, visiting Danny's sister and her husband. We were all excited to be on vacation, at the beach, playing in the water, and trying boogie boarding for the first time. I, of course, joined in the fun.

The chiropractor had cleared me for increased activity, as the chronic pain and tighness in my back has finally alleviated itself after scores of torturous treatments and spine adjustments. I was ready to take on the world, one huge Pacific Ocean wave at a time.

Then it came. The 8-foot monster that could propel me to the beach with grace and speed. I kicked and paddled to meet it, as it swept me up into its grasp. For a second, I was on top of the world... then, it turned on me.

The wave grabbed my legs and flung them in the air, folding my body backwards in half. I flew legs-over-ass-over-head, landing back-side-down in the shallow water. And when I stood up, the shooting pain in my lower back was unmistakeable.

Daniel came running up and yelled "That was awesome !".

I'm sure it was awesome to see me eat dirt in front of everyone, legs flailing through the air and landing unceremoniously on my face. It would have been more awesome if someone was taking video.

Maybe I could have put my America's Funniest Home Videos prize money towards my future chiropractic treatment. But alas, this time, it was not meant to be.

It's going to be a rough night tonight on the air mattress. Ugh.

I Didn't Need to See That

Sitting in the treatment room at my chiropractor's office, waiting for my twice-weekly torture at the hands of my doctor and his ominous Graston tools...

...and being privvy to a full view of new-female-intern buttcrack, and half of both ass cheeks (whale-tail included), as she searched in the cabinet for a file.

Tell me, how would a reasonable person handle this situation, with the least amount of embarrassment and awkwardness possible ?

Message

To the gentleman driving by, on his cell phone, who yelled "Pick up your shit !" after I stopped to help victims of a car accident where parts from the smashed vehicles were strewn across the road:

You suck. I hope that cell phone becomes implanted into your skull.