No Holds Barred

I'm in a punchy mood today, so I'm going to say something I wish I could have said last night, but just wasn't raised to be rude enough to do so.

Lady, do you see what this colored, rectangular, plastic thing is ? It's called a CHECK CARD. It replaces those big, preprinted paper things that take you 10 million years to write in painstaking calligraphy while the rest of us are decomposing in line behind you. And guess what ? If someone steals your check card number (which is just as easy as stealing your ratty friggin' checkbook from your massive butt-ugly old lady purse), your bank won't make you pay for the fradulent charges.

Now move your geriatric ass. I got frozen stuff in my cart, and it's melting into a pile of goo while you write the goddamned date. Now hurry the hell up already !

[UPDATE]: Apparently some readers didn't catch the fact that this was completely tongue-in-cheek and not meant to be serious. :/

Shit Magnet.. Even In The Shower

The unmistakable "bling !" of my iPhone greeted me as I exited the shower. Who the hell is texting me this early, I wondered. I dried myself off and checked the message.

"8:00am: Medical Emergency, building X, 1st floor, cube I5-7."

Crap, I thought to myself. If only I were a perky early-riser, I could have helped out with this one. Oh well, all I can do now is continue with my morning routine.

Then it hit me.

Building X is my building.

Cube I5-7 is my cube.

There was a medical emergency going on in my cube at that very moment, and there I was at home, drying myself off with a towel and brushing my teeth. I heard the whole story from the receptionist when I arrived an hour later.

An employee of our building had been feeling sick, and had decided to skip her gym routine and go to work. As she exited her car, she nearly fainted, catching herself on her trunk lid. She then staggered into the building. The receptionist saw her struggling, and guided her through the door and to my cube. I wasn't there of course, so the receptionist sat the patient in my chair, and used my phone to call 911.

Security arrived (no ERT members were at work that early to help), followed closely by the Fire Department and an ambulance. The patient was loaded up and taken to the hospital for evaluation.

All of this, at my cube, on a Friday morning at 8:00.

And I wasn't even there.

Damnit !

All She Needs Now is a Social Security Number

The pet pharmacy screwed up.

I ordered a refill of Mocha's kitty prozac one week in advance, as instructed by my vet. The week passed by, I was down to my last pill, and still, it had not arrived.

So the vet called in the prescription to my family's pharmacy - Walgreen's.

The human equivalent of Prozac - blue tablets, instead of the brown, meat-flavored variety - was in stock, and filled that same day.



That's right, my cat is not just Mocha, the crazy kitty on Prozac.

She is Mocha MyLastName Cat, of Need Address, CA.

I wonder if she will someday get a jury duty notice.

Just as an aside, the pet pharmacy was charging me $50/month for meat-flavored chewable Prozac. The Walgreen's price ? $15/month.

Sorry, pet pharmacy. I have a mortgage to pay. Walgreen's it is from now on.

Divided Loyalties

It was a night of divided loyalties.

My local team, the subject of much passion and adoration, was playing the team that I grew up with; loving and supporting for over a decade.

The San Jose Sharks, versus the Toronto Maple Leafs.

There was a lot of royal blue and white in the crowd. Many Canadian ex-patriots call Silicon Valley home now. And a good portion of them never relinquished their love of their former hometown team.

Secretly, I never did either.

I still have my Leafs jersey in the back of my closet. My Sharks jersey is much more in the forefront, but the Leafs one is still there, reminding me of my roots.

I wore the black and teal for this game, and cheered and celebrated with Danny and my friends as our local team skated to a 3-2 victory.

But in the back of my mind, I was cheering as well, when the Leafs scored their goals, and the royal blue and white in the crowd celebrated the event.

I will always have a soft spot for my childhood team.

But now, my passion and support are for my current team.

Here, in Silicon Valley, the place I call home.

Evacuation

The only thing worse than a false fire alarm, requiring evacuation of the building and response by the Fire Department and Battalion Chief, is one such alarm occurring during a period of moderate rainfall.

Luckily, most of the evacuees were understanding of the situation, and were able to find shelter.

Not so for us responders, who were instructed to direct traffic.

I need a hot cup of coffee now.

California is Under Attack

... by Mother Nature.

One of the wildest storms in recent memory is pounding across the Bay Area as we speak. Gusting winds around 60mph in the populated areas, and a sheeting, unrelenting rain has been pummeling the area since early this morning.

The roads are absolute carnage. The Richmond-San Rafael bridge was closed earlier because the wind was knocking trucks over on their sides. A downed powerline closed Highway 17, an important freeway link from the South Bay to Santa Cruz. And the commute across the Bay Area was nothing short of chaotic this morning, with accidents and crawling traffic across every major freeway.




I am so fortunate to have the option of working from home today. Not only is it treacherous out there, I really like to keep my car in one piece, not run over by a speeding, Starbucks-drinking, cell-phone chatting SUV driver who doesn't understand the concept of slowing down and paying attention in bad weather.

I am relatively safe in my home, with power and utilities still intact.

Rick and Rakesh, not so much.

They are hunkered down in Tahoe City, near Lake Tahoe, where the forecast calls for up to 10 feet of snow and Category 4 hurricane-strength winds.

Bundle up, boys. It's going to be a rough ride for you these next few days.

[Links: Photos of the damage, Rescues]